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I could have totally done without sitting in a hospital tower, staring out the window, watching the birds and the hurried traffic on the ground downtown last week. I really could have gone without tests and waiting and worrying. 

Almost two weeks ago at my 20 week ultrasound, we were presented with serious concerns – life-threatening concerns. I had to transfer all my healthcare to our local research hospital and meet with four teams of doctors, including geneticists, and have more ultrasounds. This is not fun.

What should have been a fun day, turned into sadness, fear, and worry. It was tough coming home from that appointment, opening the garage door, all the kids rushing the driveway with anticipation, ready for lunch, when we had to share bad news. They understand to pray at their own spiritual level. It’s hard for the older ones who are more aware of what is going on and now struggle to reconcile their faith with bad things that happen in life. It’s also hard to have adult struggles while helping children handle their concerns too. 

I just wanted to have a pleasant Christmas week. To move about my quiet life and mind my own business. Instead, I was at a hospital appointment, meeting with doctors I have never met, and worrying about what is to come. I felt like I needed to run out of the hospital and take a minute away from being inundated with information.

I still don’t have answers yet. I don’t know if baby will make it. I have no idea how this will all work out. As a Type A++, I hate having no plan and no way to predict what will happen. I always love telling how God has redeemed difficult times in my life. I love sharing how God turned complete disasters into absolute joy and fun. 

At this time, I am not there yet. I talked to a lady I absolutely love from my favorite local coffee trailer in town. I learn so much from her and every time I go, I feel like I just went to Bible study! I saw her last week and she said it’s easy to look back on how God has worked things out, but still doubt he can “this time.” Like, this time it’s much worse or way more complicated, so it’s hard to be sure He has got it “this time.” As in, what if this is just terrible?  

I hope you’re having a peaceful holiday season and looking forward to the New Year. If you’re full of worry or trepidation, I am right there with you. We don’t always feel hopeful or feel encouraged, so when that time comes, focus on a Bible verse that speaks the truth. Write it everywhere. Say it constantly. Our feelings don’t always  reflect what we know to be true.

I have found peace at the Christmas services at church where we sing about the hope that Jesus brought when he was born. It has been wonderful to sit among the twinkling Christmas trees at church and sing the songs of hope and peace. At this time of year, we are reminded of why He came in the first place and that we all need Him. This time of year reminds me that Jesus was born to conquer worry and fear that will happen in our human lives. I am also reminded that earth is a broken place and because Jesus came, He is the hope that we hold onto. Light has come for the world to know there is hope and peace. I pray that for you, sweet friends. 

People waited for their Savior to come so many years ago, wondering when, how, or even if He would really come. Finally, at Jesus’s birth, the time of silence and wondering ended, and hope filled the earth. I wait now to see how God will work it all out in my own small life. Let us wait with anticipation remembering how God has worked in the past and He will handle it again.

I leave you with the verse that hangs on our kitchen chalkboard from Jeremiah 32:27
Look, I am the Lord, the God over every creature. Is anything too difficult for Me? 

We have had some fun this month with birthdays and Christmas!

We visited a favorite doll store on Raegan’s birthday for her to get her ears pierced! Long live girlhood! 

We mailed letters to Santa!

We went to a piano recital where the big girls played Christmas pieces!

We prepared the dolls and dollhouse for what Santa might bring!

I stayed up late Christmas Eve to embroider a Christmas sweatshirt so Maddox could have a matching one on Christmas Day!

Pic(k) of the week: Usually, it’s a crazy picture of something weird that happens, but this time, I think I will share some real life stuff. One night last week, I saw a Bible underneath a dresser. After I pulled it out, I realized the pages were torn, out of fear, anger, or whatever emotions were felt at the time. 

I said nothing, quietly took it away, and don’t ever plan to address it. I’m not totally sure who tore it, but I know that we all feel this way at times. When there is worry and no understanding, it’s hard to handle. Even if we don’t actually act in this way, we all struggle to handle life at times. God is okay with that. He can handle it. 

Love,
Charis