relationships part II: guys

Hey! How are you this week? School has started for a lot of us, so how is your new academic year? I love school, although the beginning of August is too early in my opinion, but l love school! I love the smell of books, pencils, and of course, all the organization products I could spend my life savings on! It also reminds me of fresh starts and new beginnings. Are you enjoying solitude while your children are back in school? Maybe you are at work or maybe you are in school yourself. Some of you have littles at home like me and those few moments of quiet are sacred. Wherever you are, pull up a chair with me at my kitchen table and let’s have some quiet time together.

We have started some preschool work with the girls, learning letters, numbers, and the calendar. We have worked on adjusting to getting up earlier and doing our Bible time and jumping into school time. It was a great first week, but I realize personally how inadequate I am and how I need God’s help to move into a new phase of life as a mom! It seems like no big deal for others to teach their children letters and numbers and I am sure they can do it, but when it is my responsibility, I question my ability. Nonetheless, we are having fun and working hard!

This week I want to continue talking about relationships! My husband and I just celebrated our ten-year anniversary last week. Let me be completely real and let you know it has been fun but it has not been easy by any means. We are working on ways to better our family even now. We never reach perfection, no matter how great our family life gets anyway!

I thought I would share some thoughts on what to look for in a Godly man. There are some aspects to pay attention to. Of course, no guy is perfect, so there is absolutely no checklist and no reason to have some ridiculous standard no human can reach. It is however, always good to act with wisdom, so these are some aspects of a potential boyfriend and husband to think about.

How he treats his family. Is he respectful to his parents? This is evidence how he will respect others close to him. Is he kind to siblings? Does he enjoy time with his family?

How he interacts with others. Is he kind to those he works with? Does he treat others with respect? Is he polite to servers at restaurants? Basically, is he a reflection of Jesus Christ to those around him? This also shows how he will treat his girlfriend and wife. To be a disciple of Christ, we must reflect Him to those around, so it’s important for others to notice and respect His love for God by loving people.

Work ethic. Does he have a job? Motivation for work means he most likely will be a great help at providing for his future family. Willingness to work at fun activities shows a willingness to work in relationships, like wife and family one day, as well.

Hobbies. It may sound unrelated, but it is healthy for him to have extracurricular activities he does for fun. It is not a good sign for anyone to sits in a dark basement and do nothing (as an extreme example). Interests not only make him an interesting person with topics to talk about, but engages in the talents God has given him in the world around.

Where he spends time. Where we spend our time shows where our priorities are. Does he spend time in wholesome places or, well…other places.

How he treats you. Does he ever put you down or cause you to feel self-conscious? Let me just be blunt and instruct you to let someone go who makes you feel bad about yourself. Many of us, including myself, have been there and dated a guy who caused us to feel stupid. For me, this is another story for another day, but please do not do it yourself! Look for a guy who builds you up and encourages you. Find someone who whose presence you leave feeling better than before you were together.

Relationship with God. Does he talk about God? Does he spend time in Bible study or hanging out with other Christian guys? Does he motivate you to become closer to God? Does he live what he says he believes? It is quite important for behavior to match speech. A person committed to Jesus is mature and capable of leading a family one day.

This is totally not a checklist for guys to date or guys for a daughter or friend to date. There are no hard and fast rules. It is important to use the wisdom God has given us to make wise decisions. Like we talked about last week, each time we date someone, we give a piece of ourselves away. It would be wise to be choosy about dating and reserve time and heart investment for someone special and worthy. It may sound snobby but it is actually caring to be sure not to waste his time! It would not be kind to rush into a relationship only to have to quickly break it off because lifestyles are not similar. I hope to help you make wise choices in relationships, especially after I see heartbroken people trying to move past difficult break-ups in counseling. As parents, be sure to communicate with teenagers about their relationships and help them learn to think through who they date. Many parents believe teenage dating is harmless or silly but to the teenagers involved, with the stage their brain development is in, it is deeply meaningful. I hope you enjoy some quiet today!

Love,

Charis